Fighting for what?

After fighting with my still-but-almost-ex-husband on my way to work this morning, i came in to see this in my email.  

 

Speak to me God. Speak to me. I just have to trust in you. Start focusing on building the new. 

Monster has a ear infection, inter-ear and ear canal. Plus a nasty cold. Poor baby was NOT feeling good at all this weekend. Friday night the fire alarm went off and he screamed.  Saturday he woke up early (didn't go to bed til midnight, and was up at 645) He was fine, playing with his cousins, doing the garage sale, getting into things. All of the sudden he started screaming that his ear hurt.  He's had a number of ear infections in the past, resulting in 2 sets of ear tubes, adenoids taking out, but he's still getting them... we called Dr. On Demand (which is great, for the most part) got meds for him, i put some OTC ear drops in there and gave him some pain meds.  Around 5 pm, his ear was draining so extremely badly, and he was still screaming in pain, i decided to take him to the urgent care to get it checked out.  Yup, worse infection than i thought. 2 oral scripts, plus special ear drops. Looks like we'll be trying to get into another ENT. Thank God for insurance. But this is what i was fighting with his dad about. Child Support. Medical bills, etc. I've got to let it go. I don't make a whole lot of money, pay between 800-900 a month in daycare expenses, my car, health insurance for both of us, and my car insurance (plus random bills that were put in my name when we were married... that I'm now stuck with...) Luckily, i have my mom. While he's living on off his girlfriend. he doesn't have a car payment, because hey, that is in my name and he left in Oklahoma when he abandoned ship! He has his cell phone bill, that's all he HAS to pay for.  He has been there for two months, and just started looking for a job. (he's been out of work for most of the last year...) But apparently i have no reason or right to be upset.  

But like the quote says, "focus all of your energy, not on the fighting the old" He's never going to change, I have to accept that. Move on. Vent and let it go! "...But on building the new" Monster deserves that. 

On a side note, no church for us tonight. But Grandma has a date. Yay for her!

It's gonna be worth it... ALL!

I started going to Gateway Church in June of last year. I did not go like I should. I would take the kids when they wanted to go, but I didn't put forth the effort I feel like I should have.  I never really talked to a whole lot of people, in fact, I always made it a point to sit by myself, in the same place for almost 4 months.  I took a "How to Stop the Pain" class.  At first, I sat alone! I didn't want to be there. I was angry. I was angry with myself, I was angry with my ex-husband, I was angry with God, I didn't understand why after I tried so hard and did everything I possibly could to save my marriage, it wasn't working. I wasn't enough. I wasn't enough of a wife, but, most of all, I wasn't enough of a believer. I believed in God, I wasn't a believer though. 

During my class, I became friends with S. At first, she, like me, was angry. She didn't want to be there. She stopped me after class one day and we started talking about different things in life. She gave me the number to her lawyer (she's currently going thru a divorce). From there a new friendship blossomed.  She invited me to go to a Superbowl party with her that a group of single parents from the church was putting on.  I was very hesitant to go at first, she was really the only person i spoke to at church.   I decided to go, not only go, but take Monster with me.  Being the new kid (these families get together a lot and 3 of the 4 other boys there were brothers) they didn't want Monster to play with them.  So, being the boy he is (and they were being rude and hitting him too) he hit them. He was trying to get their attention... (no I do not condone hitting, in the least).  I tried confronting the boys, and asking why they weren't including him in any thing. One said, "Well, we've already started this game, he can't play." "He tried to steal our dad's football" (it was on the floor, I'm sure I would have noticed if he tried to take a football home!). "He keeps hitting us." and other things were said.  I asked Monster if he was hitting, and the boys' dad pipes in from the other room.... "He's been hitting them nonstop."  Umm.. Not sure how he saw that, when he wasn't even in the room with them, and i had a clear view of what was going on for 1/2 the time. I said I was sorry and that I didnt realize that he was hitting. I did however say, you were being bullies too. and that wasnt nice. (even the dad was bullyish.) I was hurt, I was hurt that instead of him telling his kids to be nice to the new kid, and let him play, he condoned their behavior. I'm pretty protective of Axel and I don't like him to be hurt by anyone.  So I decided we were going to leave.  I got our coats and Monster's tablet together, and the host of the party talked me into staying. "I'll play with him" (a 40-ish yr old man) "We'll go out front and play football!" and so we stayed. And I'm so Happy we did.  We both built new relationships, It proved that God does do work in amazing people.

Last night was our Single Parent Life at the newer campus.  I wasnt going to go. Southlake is closer to my house, Southlake made me very upset in November, and I've only been back there once.  I'm now volunteering at our NFW campus on Mondays. I think I've found my home.

We are extremely lucky to have amazing worship leaders in our church family. I mean, who wouldn't want to hear Kari Jobe, Rita Springer or Amber Rhodes live every week? (BTW, be jealous, Rita's our worship leader on mondays!) Love her work.

I don't understand Your ways
Oh but I will give You my song
Give You all of my praise
You hold on to all my pain
With it You are pulling me closer
And pulling me into Your ways

Now around every corner
And up every mountain
I'm not looking for crowns
Or the water from fountains
I'm desperate in seeking, frantic believing
That the sight of Your face
Is all that I need
I will say to You

It's gonna be worth it
It's gonna be worth it
It's gonna be worth it all
I believe this
It's gonna be worth it
It's gonna be worth it
It's gonna be worth it all
I believe this

You're gonna be worth it
You're gonna be worth it
You're gonna be worth it all
I believe this
You're gonna be worth it
You're gonna be worth it
You're gonna be worth it all
I believe this